My dear friend, Angie, first contributed to Contented Gypsy back in December. She writes with such truth and vibrancy, and I’m beyond thankful she’s back to write about her epoch of March!
As I wrote last week, I was trekking through a rather difficult season lacking inspiration in my life. Every day became a battle to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward knowing this season would end…eventually. Ah those ebbs and flows of Christianity. I’m no stranger to the valley, but I’ve learned sometimes God’s best work is done there. As I chatted and lamented with my girlfriends about my struggles, I realized I was not the only one struggling through a rather arduous season. Angie’s words could not have come at a better time as she describes her Epoch of March. See you next week! xo -Chelsey
The contrast between where my feet trekked on March 1st to where they are snuggly tucked in on March 31st is astounding. It already seems like a lifetime ago that I was watching a chilly sunrise morning in the Moroccan Saharan desert. To where I am today longingly looking outside my apartment window willing the sun to shine so I can wonder outside where the trees are filled with blooms.
I can’t help but feel a little emotional.
This has been a month of roller coaster style experiences that have left me inexplicably confused, filled me with untapped inspiration, and helped me come to terms with an unreconciled past. I can’t say everything will bloom to fruition, or that even long term peace of mind will remain, but I do know that the foundation for change has been made.
To be brave and confident about wading in the unknown and uncharted waters of change is no easy task. However, the past has taught me that nothing good ever comes from hanging out at the shallow end. Eventually, you got to dive in with outstretched arms and give it your best effort. Most times you will fail but you will always come out stronger, and wiser!
For you see, I have failed many times! I’ve failed at falling in love, staying in love, staying away from love, or loving the wrong people. At work I become complacent, critical, chronically grumpy. In making my dreams come true I have missed out on being a better friend, a loving daughter, an encouraging sister and a more involved Titi.
I have struggled to stand strong in my faith and failed at seeking time to develop and grow in wisdom and kindness. Thought I don’t always learn from my mistakes even when the lesson repeats itself. I continue to find myself unable to be fiscally prepared. At times I’m still struggling to exert any control over my emotions, or at other times finding the capacity to care for myself physically, let alone any other living breathing thing. Often this leaves me to question as to whether I am even a responsible functional adult.
Yet, when I’m left feeling lost and sobbing my heart out, there is always that gentle voice, that soft caressing touch upon my face, that still quite moment of rest, where all is surrendered and peace fills the void and darkness. Where I can say I may have lost the battle but I can still win the war. For me I call it the Holy Spirit.
But the important part is that, “for God so loved the world he gave his only son so that we may know everlasting life,” (John 3:16). When he sent Jesus to this world it wasn’t just for my sins, my failings, my corruption, or my ignorance; but for all of us to become reconciled and unblemished to our beloved Abba Father.
That my friends is a radical love!
It’s ultimately why I can find restorative rest, radiate peace, reclaim joy, remain hopeful, reform my soul, reshape my thoughts, but most importantly, rejoice in the knowledge that victory is the reward for faithfulness.
For me travel, prayer, and following my creative and artistic pursuits helps make sense of the tumultuousness of life, the lingering critical self-doubt, and the way to find peace amongst the insanity of our current humanity. It propels me to continue the work of becoming the better person I long to be. It’s not easy work and it’s often 1 step forward, 3 giant steps back, but sisters and brothers in Christ, I encourage you to never grow weary in doing the hard work of sharpening and polishing your soul. Seek out the unique ways you can fill the well of your soul. Seize every mistake, every opportunity, and every experience to expand upon your faith and knowledge. For where we have started is not where must end up, and that is my prayer not just for me, but for you.
For all of us!
As always, if you want to chat about your faith journey, whether struggling along or just beginning, please reach out using the contact form.